tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2078433955138263042.post7637659538388270829..comments2023-03-23T03:36:24.277-04:00Comments on My Middle Years: The evolution of a first pagePatchihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09097638657085263738noreply@blogger.comBlogger4125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2078433955138263042.post-68744151330094168492013-08-13T10:21:59.495-04:002013-08-13T10:21:59.495-04:00Thanks Marcy! I find it really hard to get setting...Thanks Marcy! I find it really hard to get setting, situation and character in the first page. I really liked the old version but the setting only got introduced on the second page and for sci-fi that's not good enough. Now, the conversation you like is on the next page, while they are traveling in the pod after they leave without their instructor. Patchihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09097638657085263738noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2078433955138263042.post-46854880391959429652013-08-13T10:09:21.243-04:002013-08-13T10:09:21.243-04:00Thanks for the comment. I keep moving the first fe...Thanks for the comment. I keep moving the first few sentences around. It's so hard to figure out what information the reader wants first. I added the "standing next to me" because some people were having a hard time placing the characters in the scene. I've tried saying the instructor obscured the doorway first, but then he comes across as a big guy. And if I move all that information to the first paragraph it gets too clunky. I could say he was in the doorway before I say his arms were crossed, but I like the way the sentence sounds the way it is now. Decisions, decisions...Patchihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09097638657085263738noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2078433955138263042.post-34999077331095223882013-08-12T19:51:38.967-04:002013-08-12T19:51:38.967-04:00It can be hard to find the perfect place to begin....It can be hard to find the perfect place to begin. Having read some other versions of the beginning, I like this because it tells me more about the world within the pages than your other first pages. But I wonder if there's a way to merge them, the one I know and this. My suggestion would be to have David and Cat making their way, include some of their conversation, enough of an interchange to show some character, and then have them run into this guy. Then you've got the urgency of them trying to get to the council compounded by these hints of something dark and dangerous beneath the surface. mshatchhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06308916014310536449noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2078433955138263042.post-16495454057758802392013-08-12T18:56:13.972-04:002013-08-12T18:56:13.972-04:00It looks good and intriguing. I'd perhaps have...It looks good and intriguing. I'd perhaps have the instructor placed in the doorway first, and ground the beginning in a little more scenic detail.<br /><br /><br />And I think one of my stories has it's original beginning spaced out over twelve chapters. I tired to cram so much that it was a list of childhood years. -_-Aldrea Alienhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05652344290376563676noreply@blogger.com