Thursday, June 6, 2013

Change in perspective

Last week I received a request to revise THE LEGACY OF THE EYE, changing the novel from third person to first. I thought rewriting the first chapter would be a useful exercise, so here is the revised version of the first page I posted last month:

Chapter 1--Catrine's POV

The front entrance of the Academy of Demia loomed beyond a hundred feet of gravel. Just the thought of exiting through those gates for the first time churned my empty stomach. My eyes adjusted to the brightness outside the main school building. I should have brought a hat.

The heavy pine door slammed shut behind me and I turned toward David. After sixteen years at the Academy, my best friend looked ready to conquer the galaxy.

"Relax, Cat," he said.

How? Like all children on the planet, I had not left the school since my enrollment at the age of two. Everything familiar was behind us and our future hinged on how well we could argue for the Tutor Program.

"Maybe we should go over your speech one more time," I said.

David's smile dimmed. "Five times today isn’t enough?"

"Four. And you're still forgetting to mention that the tutors will be traveling to their pupil's home planet. That's a big point in the proposal."

"Do you want to give the speech?"

I bit the inside of my lower lip. "No."

"Then stop fretting. If the council hadn't liked our idea, they wouldn't have requested an audience."

"They probably read the proposal once. How much do you think they grasped? You've read it a dozen times and you still forget some of the details. I should have made you write it."

David's smile returned, brighter than ever. "Then it wouldn't have been perfect."

"Or written at all." But I could not keep the corners of my mouth from twitching.

----
I did not notice much difference, but, just for fun, I decided to try the same chapter in David's perspective:


Chapter 1--David's POV

I pulled the handle of the heavy pine door and let the afternoon light spill into the main building of the Academy of Demia. Cat walked out first, but stalled at the front steps, not quite blocking my view of the gates.

She turned towards me when the door slammed. "We forgot our hats."

"No time to go back." It had taken us twenty minutes to get here from our department.

Her forehead creased. "David--"

"Relax."

I knew she was not ready to leave the school, even after sixteen years. I should have agreed to let her wait in the Governance Department, but I wanted her by my side while I defended the proposal for the Tutor Program. This was our project. We needed to celebrate its success together.

"Maybe we should go over your speech one more time," she said.

"Five times today isn’t enough?"

"Four. And you're still forgetting to mention that the tutors will be traveling to their pupil's home planet. That's a big point in the proposal."

"Do you want to give the speech?"

Her lower lip quivered. "No."

"Then stop fretting. If the council hadn't liked our idea, they wouldn't have requested an audience."

"They probably read the proposal once. How much do you think they grasped? You've read it a dozen times and you still forget some of the details. I should have made you write it."

I grinned. "Then it wouldn't have been perfect."

"Or written at all."

----
And now I think I need to rewrite the entire novel...

1 comment:

  1. I like it way better as first person from Cat's pov. That feels ...right.

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