I wrote a short story while in college about a girl who switches places with her alter-ego for a day. They go about their day as they would normally, but their different attitudes impact their surroundings. They slightly modify each other's life, mainly by creating or dismissing opportunities. I was trying to work out that the little things in daily life could have an impact in my future just as much as the big decisions I made. These small doors that open and shut each day, and go mostly unnoticed...
My major goal in college was to turn into the person I wanted to be - not only heading towards a carrier in science, but also stepping out of the shy and introverted persona I had acquired through middle- and high-school. I wanted to stop living in my mind: I wanted to be the person who lived in my mind - the one who did the same things but differently...
Looking back, the turning point happened after I took a philosophy course. I felt lost as the physical world crumbled around me. Like Sophie, my mind opened up to the possibilities and nothing seemed real anymore. It took me a week or two to recover from that surreal experience, but the person who stepped back into the world was not the one who left it. I was more attuned to the world around me and more proactive.
Some days I still wonder where I would be if I had made different choices, but I don't regret any of the ones I made. The scenarios that pop into my head are not any more enticing than the world in which I live. The things I would have to do without are more important to me than what I would maybe gain. But it is still fun to think about the possibilities, and what life would be like as my alter-ego...
Saturday, September 26, 2009
Friday, September 11, 2009
And then I heard crack...
I am sure many, if not all, working mothers have these moments. The ones where you are trying to do everything. The days you forget that supermom does not exist. In this particular case, I was trying to hold up the fort so that Dada could get off to work early. He had a huge multicollaborator multinational grant due and labor day weekend was coming up - 3 days without daycare...
So there I was going through the motions of getting the kids to daycare and myself to work, while cleaning up after breakfast and starting laundry. I got the kids downstairs and was putting on their shoes when I noticed I had socks for the wrong boy and was missing a sippy cup. So I tell them I will be right back, run up the stairs, gather what I am missing, and run back - all before the little one can get to the second steps. That is when I panicked - and supermom should never panic.
Baby brother can climb the whole staircase, but he gets so excited that he tends to stand up and say "yay" after every step - potentially falling backwards. Hence, I rushed to get around big brother, who was trying to keep little brother sitting, so I could be behind the little one if he tipped backwards. In my rush I jumped over the last step and heard a crack when my foot hit the tile floor. Fortunately, I did not panic then.
I sat down. I took a deep breath. The kids sat with me. I was asked "Are you OK Mamãe"? I took a deep breath. I got their shoes on. Big brother asked if he could "kiss and make it better". Its healing powers are amazing... I was up - with a bit of pain, but it was bearable. A 2 on the 1-10 scale could be walked on. The day could go on. I took the kids to daycare, got gas for the car, and went to work. Walking into the lab was when sanity started to return - maybe ice would help. By lunchtime I was still icing my foot when Dada called. I declined a lunch outing due to my episode that morning and heard reason shouted in my ear: I heard a crack!
The rest of the day was a bit of a blur. I called my mom to take me to the emergency clinic after Dada threatened to do it himself. I got x-rays, a dorsal fracture, a temporary splint, crutches, and appointment with an orthopedist for the next day*. The next day I got one of those "aircast" boots after another set of x-rays**, with instructions to avoid weight bearing on that foot at all costs. Hence, I was stuck at home for the long holiday weekend -and the following weeks - with Dada being superdad, superhusband and superscientist, and lots of help from my parents who even took the kids out of town for an entire day.
After spending the first week with my foot up or walking on crutches, I really hope the healing process will not take very long. And there is just so much work I can do from home, especially now that I finished the 1,000 Blast searches for our phylogeny paper. The doctor did mention I could be in a walking cast after 2 weeks, so I am keeping my fingers crossed. And I can hardly wait for Dada to get back. Did I mention that he had a conference this week too? I am very glad my parents are in town to help with the kids! This suppermommy is out of commission for a few weeks...
* my insurance is "great" so I needed 2 doctor visits to immobilize.
** didn't I say I had great insurance?
So there I was going through the motions of getting the kids to daycare and myself to work, while cleaning up after breakfast and starting laundry. I got the kids downstairs and was putting on their shoes when I noticed I had socks for the wrong boy and was missing a sippy cup. So I tell them I will be right back, run up the stairs, gather what I am missing, and run back - all before the little one can get to the second steps. That is when I panicked - and supermom should never panic.
Baby brother can climb the whole staircase, but he gets so excited that he tends to stand up and say "yay" after every step - potentially falling backwards. Hence, I rushed to get around big brother, who was trying to keep little brother sitting, so I could be behind the little one if he tipped backwards. In my rush I jumped over the last step and heard a crack when my foot hit the tile floor. Fortunately, I did not panic then.
I sat down. I took a deep breath. The kids sat with me. I was asked "Are you OK Mamãe"? I took a deep breath. I got their shoes on. Big brother asked if he could "kiss and make it better". Its healing powers are amazing... I was up - with a bit of pain, but it was bearable. A 2 on the 1-10 scale could be walked on. The day could go on. I took the kids to daycare, got gas for the car, and went to work. Walking into the lab was when sanity started to return - maybe ice would help. By lunchtime I was still icing my foot when Dada called. I declined a lunch outing due to my episode that morning and heard reason shouted in my ear: I heard a crack!
The rest of the day was a bit of a blur. I called my mom to take me to the emergency clinic after Dada threatened to do it himself. I got x-rays, a dorsal fracture, a temporary splint, crutches, and appointment with an orthopedist for the next day*. The next day I got one of those "aircast" boots after another set of x-rays**, with instructions to avoid weight bearing on that foot at all costs. Hence, I was stuck at home for the long holiday weekend -and the following weeks - with Dada being superdad, superhusband and superscientist, and lots of help from my parents who even took the kids out of town for an entire day.
After spending the first week with my foot up or walking on crutches, I really hope the healing process will not take very long. And there is just so much work I can do from home, especially now that I finished the 1,000 Blast searches for our phylogeny paper. The doctor did mention I could be in a walking cast after 2 weeks, so I am keeping my fingers crossed. And I can hardly wait for Dada to get back. Did I mention that he had a conference this week too? I am very glad my parents are in town to help with the kids! This suppermommy is out of commission for a few weeks...
* my insurance is "great" so I needed 2 doctor visits to immobilize.
** didn't I say I had great insurance?
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